This kiss between me and my former ex was at the beginning of my relationship

Back in November, I cheated on my boyfriend because I lost that love from him

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up 6 months ago. He found out i was talking to my former ex boyfriend while searching my phone while i was away. In the messages it reveals me and my former ex have seen eachother once, and had a kiss. I completely broke his trust. I dont know why i did it but i feel so guilty. My ex found out after 5 months. After finding out, we decided to stick together. While i thought he forgave me, and starting to feel like it had no further effects on our relationship, he suddenly starts to change 4 months later. He became distant and emotionless towards me, but he didn't told me what was wrong. After a month he finally said to me:” https://getbride.org/sv/latvianska-brudar/ i'm sorry but i still can't trust you. I tried but i can't. Everytime you go out with your friends i am thinking of you secretly meeting up with your former ex boyfriend. Also i'll never know if it was just a kiss, or something more happened. I'm sorry but i have to break up with you'' I was so heartbroken. Over the time i was really falling in love with him more and more each day. I begged him to take me back and said i was sorry so many times.. We agreed to stay friends after the breakup, and we are still occasionally seeing eachother and being intimate. But i feel like i pushed him away by begging him to try and be with me.. Now i feel like i can't get over him, and it was so stupid to ‘remain friends'. He doesn't contact me that much, and he isn't as sweet to me as he was before. I still feel some sort of distance. Also i feel like sometimes it's really one-sided and he doesn't really want to be friends or get back together at all. But when i don't contact him for one week, he contacts me with a little message like: ‘hey you'. It's such a mindfuck for me.. Maybe it's because we hadn't had our space after the breakup, to even recandle things later on. I really don't want to lose him, and i really just want to get back together eventually.. Is it too late to fix this? Is he even still interested at all? And if so, what should i do? Please help..

Just the other night, he called me drunk and poured his heart out to me saying he still loves me, cares about me and misses what we had but cant give me a 2nd chance

Judging by the fact that he still texts you after not contacting him for a week, it goes to show that he still cares about you in some capacity. Perhaps giving both parties the space to deal with the breakup right now would be good, so that you're at least able to try and re-candle things anew when the time comes instead of him being in a position where he still is reminded of his distrust towards you.

It was like we were living 2 seperate lives but lived together. Me cheating was a spur of the moment thing. We got into an argument and i got kicked out of my house. Got stupid drunk and never went back home. I told him I slept at my friends house but i got a hotel room instead. He found out in February from the guy I cheated on him with. Ever since that, we have been broken up. ” Why would he pour his heart out to me and tell me he still loves me and doesnt want me to move to North Carolina but doesnt want to try and work on the relationship? I think about him all the time and I miss what we had. Is there a way to get him back and have him trust me again? I now know the feeling of breaking someones heart and i hate it. I never want to do that again